Reporting Live from the Messy Middle

Not many people talk about the part of growth and transformation where you feel unworthy, doubtful and just plain stuck.

 The feeling of being lost and stuck can last anywhere from days to weeks to months.

And it's exactly where I've been for the past three months.

At the end of 2023, I had a personal breakthrough that shattered my whole perspective of my youth and childhood, and at the beginning of 2024 I had a burning desire to go all in and rebuild Aloha Pumehana Coaching.

After a couple of months of tirelessly leaning into the edges of my comfort zone, the doubt and fear insidiously crept in until my momentum slowed to a stop.

By the end of March, I realized that I had isolated myself to the point where I had lost all sense of my identity.

My “personal pandemic” was gradual.

It had taken months to realize that I had no desire to do anything, be anywhere, or talk to anyone.

Yes, sometimes solitude is necessary, but hiding out to grief, doubt and fear is not.

After hours of self-reflection, I had realized this had nothing to do with my career, and everything to do with the healing that was necessary from my 2023 breakthrough.

I had realized that for the last two decades I had been in a perpetual cycle of fight, flight or freeze mode, and my nervous system had been stuck in freeze for three straight months this year. Specifically “functional freeze” mode— check out the explanation here.

“...my nervous system had been stuck in ‘freeze’ for three straight months.”

My body had finally said, “Enough is enough. It’s time heal. It’s time to grieve.”

And that’s what I’ve been up to lately. I’ve been grieving, getting angry, being sad… healing.

I’m calling it my “Defrosting Era,” because just as gradually as an ice cube pools on a kitchen counter, so too am I slowly transforming into who I want to be, not who my environment molded me to be.

Here are my top tools while in the “Defrosting Era”

1. moving slowly

   Emphasis on MOVING, but doing it as slowly as needed. I learned that you don’t necessarily have to move forward, because there are days that even that can feel impossible. When your nervous system has been stuck in the freeze response for months, the main goal is to simply get used to “dipping your toe in the water.”
   

   Unload the dishwasher slowly, take a bath, sit down and sip your coffee, go for a walk and savor each step.
   
   Granted, this is really challenging if you have young children and a household that needs your constant attention, but when you’ve been living in a heightened stress response for years— decades, for some of us— you can’t afford to not create these boundaries for yourself.
   

2. staying open

   During this time, it’s so easy to hide. To clam up, keep to yourself, and “suffer in silence.” But when you open up to the people who care about you, when you stay open to and present with what you’re feeling, and the stories you unconsciously tell yourself, that’s when the healing and shifting happens.
   
   The ONE thing that I kept consistent throughout this season has been my therapy sessions. I stayed open to the deepest darkest narratives and emotions within, and opened up to someone who was qualified and trained to help me process and move through them.
   
   I was also super honest and open with my husband about what I was going through. I’m fortunate to have a partner who honors my peaks and valleys, and having his love and support made it so much easier to love and support myself.
   

3. journal + let it out

   My journaling practice was a saving grace. Dumping everything out of my heart and mind was one of the best things. It allowed my to clear out all the muck, and reading it back allowed me to truly validate myself and how I was feeling.

Believe me, my love, wherever you’re at is exactly where you’re supposed to be. Especially, if it doesn’t feel like it.

Even if you’re in the deepest, darkest, thickest part of your forest, I promise you, it’s okay to be there. It’s okay to accept it, and wander for a bit.

Friends, I’m so excited to reconnect with you. There’s so many amazing things coming for Aloha Pumehana brand, I can’t wait to share it all with you!!

Remember, keep going, keep growing! 🪴